New years with family & mixed feelings

    Yesterday was New Year which I spent with my family, saw my grandparents and uncle and aunt, and got that New Year's money! They seemed quite proud of the fact that not just me but my parents and sister were making some business moves. To be fair it was not much compared to what I did, but in their minds, they seem to be doing well in terms of justifying that I was not that much better than them in terms of what I was making. (Although it was like 2~3X. Yes, I'm feeling bitter that they will turn a blind eye to my success, constantly undermining my achievements).

I have a new plan now, which I will coin "Dubai copycat", and I think if I can pull it off then it's going to work out really well.

-----

Moving on to the next topic, I was thinking about Sean Lawrence on my way to this cafe. Perhaps the most influential person in my life, I still have very mixed feelings about him.

He and Ayob made me realize that I simply cannot crumple, squeeze, squash, twist, stretch, or compress myself to accommodate someone to get close to them or to make them like me.

Have I learned and transformed in the way of changing my identity towards making a lot of money? I most certainly have. But at the cost of what? Losing my identity? Losing myself, my soul?

Sometimes I feel that I have become unrecognizable. Lawrence made me go through a year of being under constant fear and stress of doing something illegal, against my comfort. Ayob has turned me into a lowkey alcoholic. He took away my wings when it came to me being a social butterfly, by laughing at me for just being myself. And for what? At least Lawrence had invested in my business and showed me it was possible to make $10k/month. With Ayob I feel that I did not even gain anything, besides perhaps the occasional business advice. Were they even any good? Not anything the average Joe couldn't think of. Ok, they were kinda good but nothing mind-blowing. The point is that they were terrible trades.


I see now that the trade-offs I made, to lose myself in the pursuit of becoming just accommodating to rich people in my proximity, has turned me into a monster, and it was totally not worth it.

I lost my wings and my shine in the process. Although I feel confident that I can regain them quickly, I want to solemnly swear that from now on I will never make the mistake of squeezing and twisting and squashing my personality just to suit someone else. I will be blatantly "ME", and anyone who disagrees can FUUUUUUUCK OFF! 











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